Ladies, it’s time to consider shopping for a guy in the big ‘n’ tall section. Here’s why:
1. You Don’t Have to Pay for a Body Pillow
Once you get yourself a big guy to date, you will no longer find yourself asking “What if…?” when those late night infomercials for the full body pillow with the arm come on the TV. Now, you’ve got one that’s attached to a full-on human, no pointy corners included.
2. They Know All the Best Places to Eat
Chances are, your guy is going to know all the latest and greatest places to get a bite to eat. Also, he’ll know exactly what to order. No longer will you be taking a chance on weird-sounding menu items. He’ll be able to give you the skinny (no pun intended) on whether you should try the deep fried calamari or not.
3. People Might Think You’re Dating Seth Rogen
Depending on how big and white your guy is, people are going to think one of two things: you’re either dating the star of Neighbors 2 or you’re dating Jonah Hill. Typically, if your BF is scruffy, they’ll go with Rogen. This is a pretty good comparison; they’ll think you’re being constantly entertained and that you are being treated to the high life in Hollywood. Could be worse, right?
4. Bears are More Comfortable Than Skeletons
Did you have a teddy bear growing up or a skeleton plushie? It was probably the former. There’s a reason. Cartoon bears are cute. Most skeletons are not. Once you land a guy with lots of cushion you’ll never go back to bony guys.
5. You’ll Never Be Cold Again
Humans are warm blooded and men already tend to run hotter than women. However, when you factor in the added body weight, bigger guys run even hotter. So, on those late winter nights when the snow’s falling outside and the mercury is dropping rapidly in the house, you’ll be grateful for the human furnace sharing your bed.
6. You Will Never Be Bored
Bigger guys are jovial. Your guy is probably going to be entertaining. He’s possibly been spending his entire life perfecting a stand-up routine. And now you get to be his one woman audience. You just need to make sure your sense of humor lines up with his.
7. He Will Be Nice to You
Kids can be cruel. They can bully others and the fat kid growing up is definitely going to be a target. Your guy probably went through some bullying and he won’t be interested in doing it to someone else. While he’s over it at this point, it has left him with a moral compass that is going to be a little bit stronger than what is typical. This is great — he is always going to treat you right.
8. You Will Feel Like a Queen
Back in the day, wealth and power were broadcast to the world based on bulk. If you were going steady with a king, chances were that he’d be a bigger guy. You can replicate this feeling of royalty in the modern era by picking up your own husky gentleman.